To Know or Not to Know…

IT’S A waiting game.

Ten days ago, I spent an hour with a friend in his basement shop routing some boards for a home project. He’d gotten a Covid test that morning because it was required by his job, not because he’d been exposed. Or so he thought. His test came back positive a week later, although fortunately he remains asymptomatic. Consequently, I’ve had to quarantine while I wait for my test results—in yet another week.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

Meanwhile, I’m locked down—only going out when absolutely necessary, masked, lathered with Purell, and socially distanced. And, it’s a drag.

I was surprised to notice a difference, since I/we have been mostly hunkered down since April as it is. Maybe this was just that last turn of the screw, last nudge to the edge of the abyss. I now feel a bit listless, purposeless, adrift, floating on an ocean of depression—not in it, but on it; conscious of it. I keep busy, but am aware I’m keeping myself busy; not quite the same as being engrossed. It’s an effort.

We are social animals. Zoom helps, but isn’t the same as being together. I wonder about prisoners in solitary confinement, how they cope or don’t cope. Compared to them, I’m living in splendor and yet still feel like I’m slowly sinking.

Unless I test positive, my confinement ends Thursday (otherwise, the following Thursday). Odds are I’ll survive my mini ordeal, but it has been a profound reminder of how we are all connected, all needing the ebb and flow of human interaction to thrive.

The American myth of rugged individualism is neither true nor life affirming. Not that it’s going to change anytime soon; myths run deep. But truth, it seems, runs even deeper.


Author: Bodhi Bill

BodhiBill.com is about sharing the songs I've been gifted with. Where did they come from? Two remarkable, life-changing events happened In 1996. First, I experienced an unexpected encounter with a friend of the family who was dying. The impact was so profound I left my career in advertising and became a board certified chaplain, working with the dying. Second, original songs began channeling through me with no warning. This was a complete surprise. Even though I'd played guitar since high school, I'd never considered myself a songwriter—or even a singer for that matter. More like a third-rate folk music plunker. But the songs came through anyway. Since I retired in 2015, I now have the time to record and share these songs. Although they are not "commercial" in style or content, I feel they are lovely little gems worth preserving and sharing.

3 thoughts on “Quarantined”

  1. Thank you for sharing this, Bill. You put to words what I have been feeling these past weeks (Or is it months?). Ha! Trying to find humor somehow. It’s one thing to choose isolation, to choose to go on a silent retreat away from noise and people, or to choose to throw yourself into a project where all other distractions (or even socializing) are put on hold for a bit… it’s quite another when circumstances twist your arm. Hope your health remains high, and your writing continues! It helped me feel a little more “normal” just reading it.

  2. You have described just how I feel here everyday, so understand that as an active person like you how hard it must seem to feel trapped by an unseen, but deadly foe.
    Stay well my friend you have had enough health challenges that you have faced and overcome. This compared to those is a piece of cake….

  3. Hi Bill – by now I think your test results have come back and your quarantine might be over by now. Same here in Spokane, now sheltering in place (again). I appreciate Zoom for being able to meet with my various groups. I hear you about the isolation and feeling of depression. And I’m encouraged by the Covid 19 vaccines to be rolled out maybe mid December? It will be a great gift heading into 2021. Stay self and healthy!

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